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2006-05-26T08:35:00.000-07:00

The Irony Almost Hurts...

So a week after I submit a post numbering the Labour Party's failures, they go and give me a load more to comment on... THANKS TONY!

What I think rubbed salt into the wound (literally) was that I was home recovering from an apendectomy. I therefore was subjected to the farce that was Labour's disaster recon mission for the week!

I suppose we should have seen something like this coming... We all watch TV shows where government blunders cause issues which threaten national security, but releasing over 1000 foreign prisoners who were waiting to be deported, and then not mentioning it for over 10 months is something even Jack Bauer can't protect us from! Just for good measure, good old Prezza got his end away with his secretary, and then Patricia Hewitt was completely torn apart by a pack of rabid Health service employees! To be honest she did herself no favours in her conference, her speech was poor, her delivery even worse, and the facts she was preaching meant nothing to the people who have to live, and work AROUND the bullshit bureaucracy that Hewitt and her people put to the floor throughout their administration!

Out of interest a number of those criminals released have re-offended!

I'm begining to think the only good thing Labour have brought in is 24 hour drinking!!!

2006-04-19T06:38:00.000-07:00

I HATE TONY BLAIR AND HIS LABOUR GOVERNMENT!

Some of you might think this is a strong statement to make. Some might agree, and let's be honest, some of you don't live in the UK and don't care! Although there's far too many people LIVING IN the UK who don't care these days!!!

Now, saying you hate someone or something without backing it up is childish i think and clearly shows a lack of judgement. So, (and i appologise for anyone who doesn't agree, actually NO I DONT! if you dissagree with me, you need your head tested) here goes:

Since Labour have been in power, their benchmark for success has always been a comparison with the previous Conservative Government. Well no wonder they think they're doing well, the previous Government privatised the rail companies (something we are still suffering from now) and that's only one of the more obvious horrendous mistakes they made!

However, if we look at it from a different perspective most of the positives which are now arrising from Gordon Brown's budgets stem directly from the pillars put in place by the tory's in the early 90's! Apart from decreasing inflation (and that will come to an abrupt stop pretty soon) Brown's budget reforms have done nothing but line the pockets of Fat Cat politicians! They are spending BILLIONS on:

Illegal wars
Useless infrastructural reforms
centralisation of law enforcement and public services
the immigration crisis
F****G SPEED CAMERAS
etc.

Now we'll talk about the war further later. When i say useless infrastructural reforms i mean mainly the roadworks constantly on our motorways... which don't seem to be improving the roads at all. the M25 has been clogged with works for the last 5 years and nothign actually seems to be progressing!
The centralisation of public services is rediculous i mean have you tried ringing NHS DIRECT... whata joke... they listen to your symptoms and then say... we think you should consult your GP just to be sure! Ok... but if i have to go to my GP why the hell did i ring you in the first place!!!
and as far as law enforcement goes i can't remember the last time i could actually talk to a policeman/woman, they're either in a flashy BMW driving like an absolute fool through residential areas to get to burger king before they close, or in the office writting up their
10, 000 word report on kids throwing stones at the shatterproof plexiglass bus stop!
Dont actually get me started on immigration!
As far as speed cameras are concerned a study on one road in the midlands showed that over 2 years cameras had cost motorists over 2.5 million with the average number of drivers caught increasing not decreasing over the period! This begs the question; are speed cameras really a safety issue, or merely a ploy for more revenue? If it is the prior surely they are not working and should be replaced with an alternative, if it's the later... well like i said... I Hate the Labour Party!

Lets look at a more pressing money issue:

The Fuel Crisis - Episode 4
Now the original fuel crisis was a very interesting, the public all worked together with Haulers, Farmers, and anyone else who uses a vehicle and gave the government the finger untill the prices went down. Since then it's just been a bit of a farce... prices have gone up and down and now today they're up over £1 a litre!!! when i started driving 5 years ago, it was about 55p a litre, the most expensive places (BP & Texaco) were 59.9p!

i have to stop here just to have a time out... I'M SOOOOO ANGRY!

Tony Blair... i hate him!

2006-04-02T09:39:00.000-07:00

FEBRUARY AND MARCH LANGUAGE OVERVIEW:

March 26th Lesson is Latin:

1)Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur

Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out

2)Valui ad satanam in computatrum meum invocandum

I succeeded in summoning satan into my computer

3)Stercus accidit

shit happens

March 19th Lesson is Russian:

1)Ja ne umeju tantsevatj cha-cha-cha

I can't do the cha-cha

2)Ja vozjmu u vas mochu na analiz

I want a specimen of your urine

March 2nd Lesson is Indonesian:

Saya punya suntikan saya sendiri

I have my own syringe

March 1st Lesson is Dutch:

Ik geef u een recept voor zetpillen!

I'm going to prescribe some suppositories!

Feb 22nd lesson is Swedish:

1)har du några gulliga vänner?

Do you have any cute friends?

Feb 3rd lesson is Welsh:

1)Dau peint o'ch cwrw gorau os gwelwch yn dda!

Two pints of your finest beer please!

2) Calon lân yn llawn daioni, Tecach yw na'r lili dlos: Dim ond calon lân all ganu- Canu'r dydd a chanu'r nos.

A pure heart is full of goodness, More lovely than the pretty lily: Only a pure heart can sing - Sing day and night.

2006-03-26T14:07:00.000-08:00

Home Sweet Home! (with more eating than chasing eggs!)
So...
This week was interesting. With no Internationals on it was back to the mundane for me and any other self respecting rugby fan. It seemed as if it would be even more boring with the prospect of Celtic league matches being postponed.

Of course getting back to the real world was made easier with a trip back to the bustling metropolis that is St. Davids... the only city in the world large enough that it can be seen from the moon! (obviously this is purely ridiculous bullshit!) It is supposedly the smallest city in Europe, and if the stupid queen hadn't come down, by invitation from the council (in their infinite wisdom), and declared the entire village as a city (previously it was the Cathedral Close - a small collection of vestries and lodgings for the Dean and Canon's enclosed within the Cathedral Wall - which was the city before!

The Cathedral Close... Still the Worlds
Smallest City! - at least it should be...
(stupid queen)

Anyway...
Twas very nice to frequent the old haunts, eat at a nice restaurant (which quite possibly has the best Italian food in the World) "The Bench" and then of course go to the place where people who have never been there can only dream of going! - THE RUGBY CLUB! Oh what a joy to learn all the latest gossip from the locals: who's hot, who's not, who's been arrested and let out with a caution and warning against any further offence. Who's given up their job as a security firm manager to work in a burger van. But most interestingly... how the St Davids Rugby Team whilst celebrating their best result this season (only losing by 24-0) were later involved in a drinking competition at Whitland RFC and concequently drank Mike Phillips (star of last weeks blog entry and man of the match in the Wales Vs France Six Nations showdown!) under the table like a little girl with those weird socks with frills at the top(i hate them!). So well done all the St. Davids Boys!!! and Happy birthday Noel! What was also funny was that "Digger" (Simon Davies) was there too... i swear that boy's meant to be playing football these days, but he's in the club every bloody week!!!

The beast sleeps... do not disturb her
she will bite... untill you bleed!
- my cat was excited at the prospect
of my return home!

Mothers day was also this weekend, if you forgot... you're in serious trouble next time you see the old lady... if you forgot, here's some excuses you could use:

“But Mum, if I had spent the money on you now, I couldn’t get the really expensive thing for you for Christmas.” (Note to self: Buy something expensive for mum for Christmas.)
"You know the alien anal probe wiped out portions of my memory."
"It's not my fault mum... the calender i have in my office/house is the one Domingo Rodrigues gave me for Christmas and it is of course set to the dates of the far reaches of the Brazilian rainforests!" (Note to self: get a friend called Domingo Rodrigues from the far reaches of the Brazilian rainforests!)
"You know the alien anal probe wiped out portions of my memory.”

Here's my random site for the week... Absolute Classic! Buzz mate, this'll keep you busy in work!
Magnetic poetry - Enjoy! - remember to refresh to see what other people have done!

Untill next time...

Ozstriker out!

2006-03-19T15:13:00.000-08:00

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
So another year of Six Nations comes to a close... and thank God it finished better than the way it started! Wales seemed to recover some of the momentum which got them through last year, but more importantly - the English LOST!!!

Mike Phillips handing off a prop!
(Yes that's a Number 9 BOSHING
a Number 1... AWESOME)

In fact it was a great day all round for Ruggers... as me and Buzz exchanged our favourate moments... mine being (pictured above) Our scrum half handing off a prop, then flaker, then Number 8 just before setting up the first phase leading to our try from the 4th! Whereas Chris most richeously pointed out that his was John Inverdale, (the fountain of international rugby union knowledge) making his pre-match prediction claiming that all three home teams would win!!! - just to let you know... all three home teams lost. It was worth a defeat just to piss on his bonfire!!!

As for the behind the scenes show of the Welsh team, THE STORY CONTINUES...

Meanwhile... here's some more funny stuff to check out:

Stupid Patents
Ever wondered why no-one's invented an underwater hairdryer, or even a waterproff teabag?
someone actually has!!! and they've payed for the patent to stop you wasting your time making one. These idiots are doing you a favour really

Funny free ads
Real ads taken from newspaper cuttings... some of them are really funny!

Yellow Snow
Forgett about keeping an eye on where those huskeys are relieving themselves... that's not a snowcone... eaaaaurrrrgh! Yuk!

2006-03-15T05:08:00.000-08:00

WHY WHY WHY DELILAH
Another weekend over... well infact it's taken half the week to get over it! For me this weekend was quite quiet if we compare it to the disgracefull behaviour we sometimes exhibit post rugby matches. Of course the somber embarasment of saterday didn't help the mood much, especially as i had a ticket and was unfortunate enough to witness the most dissapointing result in Welsh Rugby. I also feel for my dad who managed to get us the best seats in the house - Thanks Dad, I'm just sorry the boys on the field decided to play like jessica's!

My View - if you look close enough
you can just about see Joe Calzaghe
between the teams!

Anyway... enough of that... sundays result did quel my anger somewhat!

I've been on my web travels again... here's some funny videos I've managed to find:

Real life Simpsons

Not sure if you've caught the ad on sky-one but this is their new campaign for the Simpsons. I can't believe it's taken someone this long to do it actually!!!

Einstein the Parrot

This parrot is too smart fot it's own good!

Basketball Geniouses

How long must it have taken to record these totally impossible shots!

How computers should be

This shows you how firewalls should work... believe me you do not want to piss this PC off!

2006-03-02T12:34:00.000-08:00

Let's get ready to Cyber-Ramble
So for once I've been really busy this week, so busy in fact that when i get home i've not been up to much of anything... But as usuall still having trouble getting to sleep! But i've found the perfect therapy for insomnia, and it involves rambling on the internet! Curly taught me a few tricks at this involving Google Video, but once you get as bored as me the limits are endless!

Here's a few of the funny stuff i've come across:

Good Water Tower - Bad Water Tower
The tales of two water towers (surprisingly enough)

Read a Book a Minute
Seriously condensed books... ever wanted to read Lord of the Rings but was put off by the thickness of the book... here's your chance (also they are pretty funny)

How to Fail an Exam
There are Urban Legends in my neck of the woods claiming people have messed up important exams... one such tale is of a boy called Lee, who missed all his GCSE's but one - English - and in this, the only exam he turned up for, he managed to spell his name "Les". What a clown!
This site showed me that such buffoons actually exist!

I'll be back with more soon!

2006-02-27T16:39:00.000-08:00

There... it's happened! Quite possibly the worst thing that could have happened... happened... and after the day before's elation it seemed doubly cruel!!! But d'you know what... In some strange and unexplainable way I'm almost glad?!? But i do feel sick for admitting it!

Ireland - 31 Wales - 5

Me Suffering Severe Post-Match Depression
(ironically it was a lack of our sponsor which lost us the game...
Doubly ironic that the loss was to Ireland!)

I'm not going to depress myself further by spitting out a play by play analysis, goodness knows there'd be far too much foul language, name calling, and a risk that i may suffer the same fate as our ill omened captain Alfie! But what i will say is the reasons for my personal insurrection against the Welsh team! The last few weeks have been troubling to say the least for us Welsh fans. If nothing else, a fall from grace no matter how far the drop is never an easy pill to swallow. To top it off it falls on the back of a similar Icarusian display by the current world champions (England - in case you'd forgotten) following their success in 2003. Oh how we loathed their arrogance at their peak, and rejoiced in their shame at their trough! Alas, the animal has turned, and the mockery we rained down following the nosedive of Wilkinson's career (what position does he play again? - I forget) has come back to haunt us!

It's not that i think we deserve to lose this year far from it... another pint of Guinness on Sunday afternoon and the tears would have streamed down my face through the disappointment, either that or through sheer anger!

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO RUGBY?

It used to be the sport of men! (and i mean that in a chivalrous and proud, rather than sexist way!) We used to drink our beer, eat our steak and play ball! We'd take high's, the lows, the kicks and the blows. But recently it's turned into nothing more than a spherical shaped ball game, played by pretty boys driving fast cars drinking alchopops! More interested in their own media spectacle than making sure that the big fat ugly bloke on the other team - who murdered his pet dog because he was hungry, drank the urine of his teammates because the liquor supplied wasn't strong enough for him and was hired out by his parents to the army as a munitions test target because he was so thick skinned and skulled as a child that running over his head with the family 4x4 was not enough punishment to get the message across that ripping the limbs off football supporters although humorous was severely frowned upon - was not allowed to score a try!

I feel sorry for our boys, i really do, but they need to lace their boots a little tighter from now on! We're a proud nation, admittedly who is no stranger to defeat, but who has more recently begun to believe that there is still hope in the depths of our most holy of soils! Let's not throw it all away because of some (admittedly devastatingly huge and influential) mishaps!

Only 24 hours previous Myself and Curly
acknowledging the Scottish win on both
visible screens!
Little did we know what was to come!

It's all over this year... lets just hope we can lick our wounds by next year!

2006-02-22T11:05:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a while; to quote the much loved if somewhat depressing Staind track of a few years ago!

But i've been a busy little beaver!

Websites to design here, CD-ROM's to make there and the occasional dvd that people want made for themselves! Not to mention the (too few and far between for my liking) acting roles which turn up!

But work aside, my life has been a breeze of late... something which cannot be said for the media anticyclone surrounding the Welsh Rugby world!

It seems funny to me that i've been so busy, yet i have little of interest to share... ah well... the weekend will alter this i'm sure.... com on the boys!

2006-02-03T08:51:00.000-08:00

OVERVIEW OF JANUARY'S LANGUAGE LESSONS:

Jan 25th lesson is Italian:

1)Perché lei tiene fissare a me? ANOMALIA!

why do you keep staring at me? FREAK!

2)Come lei fa?

how you doin?

Jan 22nd lesson is Portuguese:

1)Desculpe-me, que é o melão maduro?

excuse me, which is the ripest melon?

2)Que barulho esta carne fez quando estava vivo?

what noise did this meat make when it was alive?

Jan 20th lesson is German:

1)Vorsicht vom Hund

beware of the dog

2)Wo ich kann, kaufen Sie starkes Bier und ungezogene Zeitschriften?

where can i purchase strong beer and naughty magazines?

Jan 19th lesson is Dutch:

1)Dat is een mooi zwijn

that is a beautiful pig

Jan 18th lesson is Spanish:

1)Prefiero bocadillos de jamón y dairylea

I prefer ham and dairylea sandwiches

2)Cuántos camellos para su hija?

How many camels for your daughter?

2006-02-02T13:51:00.002-08:00

I am a nervous wreck... T MINUS 42 hrs until kick-off and my nerves are definitely getting the better of me!! I was feeling so pumped last night i decided to go to a karate class to try and siphon off some of my excess energy! It was really good fun... exercise and also learning to kick peoples ass!! All was going so well... until this morning!! OW OW OW! I was meant to go to the gym to flex my pecks and trim my abs (ok bumble about pretending to know what i'm doing), but i could hardly move!

So PM I decide I’d better go to the gym at least to loosen myself up a bit... lol I'm now sat down in complete agony when I breathe... (I am a complete tool) and I’ve got another karate class tomorrow night (somehow I think I’ll be giving it a miss, although my back is so tense they could probably use me as a kicking shield!)

But back to the big issue (not that crappy mag sold on streets) the brand new series of my favourite soap RBS Six Nations... Last series finished on a high note with Wales winning the grand slam, but this series hopes to take it to a new level!

There'll be the usual plot twists, for example how will Italy and the Scots do this year... it about time for an upset.

There'll be the usual love story, namely the English front row (hear they're going risqué with their storyline this year!)

and of course the pretty people... will Henson make his entrance, and will any players from other teams decide that shaving their legs will help them get the optimum performance out of their pegs!

There is of course the politics of management Ruddock has already warned the welsh team that the English are known for their manipulation of the ref it won't be long before there's a backlash!

Man I can't wait!!! I'm going to take some Nytol now to help me get to sleep!!! Horlicks tastes like crap and doesn't work at all!!!

CYMRU AM BYTH!

OGI OGI OGI etc.

2006-01-25T11:39:00.000-08:00

Since my hideous failure to give up drinking (or success in giving up giving up... whichever way you want to look at it) My mrs decided to try and prove it to me how easy it was to give thing up! So, armed with the knowledge she had brought back from Sweden, she decided to go on a three day de-tox (if you, like me were unaware of what this entails, it's three days of just pure juice and vitamin supplement, when required). OK, so

Day 1

0800hrs: Subject 1 (the Mrs as she will be known) is already up using the juicer, really goin to town on the 10, 000 kg of carrots she'd purchased the day before!

0900hrs: I can't stand the noise of innocent fruit and veg being dismembered and get up!

1100hrs: I find an excuse to leave the house, while Subject 1 begins to drain a glass of what can only be compared to bog water, this stuff is so thick i swear there's a lawn growing on top!

1300hrs: Uh OH! the complaining has started... I'd just loaded up my body with a massive plate of chicken curry with 1/2 + 1/2 (the only way to fly), so i was particularly full. Subject 1 however is suffering from fatigue!

1500hrs: It's getting serious now... she's taken another sip from, what i will now refer to as "THE CUP OF DEATH" and feels slightly nauseous, not only that, but anything slightly abnormal, or that isn't where it should be is my fault and I'm being shouted at left right and center, i feel like a member of the bloody Light Brigade (anyone who doesn't know look up light brigade and Tennyson, awesome poem, if that's your bread and butter) "Twas not theirs to reason why, twas their place to do and die!"

1800hrs: As quickly as it was begun, the smell of my luxurious pasta in tomato, garlic and basil sauce with smoked bacon has caused her to cave in! the thing that makes me laugh most is that she's not even bothered to keep any sort of de-tox up, last night we had Spaghetti Bolognese! AND she ate chocolate!

So, if your ever in mind to stop drinking, de-tox, give up chocolate (or any of your other vices) don't bother... you'll only cave half way through and curse yourself for wasting valuable drinking time!!!

2006-01-18T15:24:00.000-08:00

Honest... what a joke

Best Blond Joke Ever!!!

My mouse was in pain it was so funny!

2006-01-18T13:56:00.000-08:00

Fantasy, Farce and Me *(Special Guest Appearance by Gormless shop assistant in WHSmiths)*

So i was in town today... not unlike me to peruse what the quality traders of our great city of Cardiff (cough!) To be honest, I had to pay off an overdue store-card, hand in a phone which I swapped with Chris, believe me when I say the reaction of the shop clerks to that phone is another post entirely! (Needless to say I was in there for 15 minutes laughing my ass off before either me or the guy behind the counter spoke so bad was the condition of this phone). Not to mention the bloody welcome note… “Hello you sexy bugger”... one of these days, Buzz, me and you are gonna have to sit down and have a long chat for your own good!!!
So, after completing the tasks I’d set myself, and feeling quietly confident that I had a half hour to spare before I began work again (read: talk to Chris on messenger swapping random Swedish phrases!) I decided to pop into my least favourite, but closest in proximity bookstore; WHSMITH. Little did I know, but I was about to be accosted by the most unlikely assailant. I was sifting through some books on sale in the fantasy section, (anyone strongly pro or anti science fiction/fantasy, please forgive me) when I picked up George RR Martins A Game of Thrones (book 1 of perhaps 4670, a series still growing)! Just so you can share what I saw here’s a glimpse, but if you want the whole effect, read it yourselves!

“Sweeping from a land of brutal cold to a distant summertime kingdom of epicurean plenty, here is a tale of lords ladies, soldiers and sorcerers, assassins and bastards who come together in a time of grim omens.”
(Spectra, Reprint Aug 1997) – can’t be too careful there days!

So, you ask, what’s with the big quote? I laughed… Out loud! Not so hard that everyone turned around, but loud enough that this skinny jean little moffet heard. Now I hate it when shop assistants harass you, but this takes the cake! I told him “No thanks mate, I was just laughing because I thought this book was a bit too…. What’s the word… well crap that’s there for the sake of it”!

UH OH!

Now I like Lord of the Rings, and of course I've read some fantasy, but this guy was just soooo; “and the circumspect hunter unsheathed the steel from his side, an emblem of the faith he preserved in life. Turning to his bloodspaterd man at arms, crimson with the hatred he shared for the unrepenting evil mirrored in the stance of the tree they beheld in their midst!” when all he needed to say was “dave turned to mike… he was a bit cross!”
This kid went off on one, telling me that Tolkien wasn’t a patch on Martin, and that I should be ashamed of myself for belittling one of the greatest authors ever to grace paper with his ink! My first instinct… “sorry mate, can you suggest something a little less… Deep?”
Oh crap… it got worse… he advised this Jordan guy… well I wanted out!! So while he was picking up another book, I ran!!! I was like a greyhound out of the gate! Only there was one problem…

THERE’S ONLY AN UP ESCALATOR!

Man I was almost sweating I was looking so hard for these stairs… I must have done three circuits of the top floor, every corner was my salvation and then my condemnation, I couldn’t find the bloody stairs, I was sneaking between the stacks, like I was in some Bond movie. And then… I found them… They were behind the counter!!! Hooray… But wait… Skinny Jean had somehow, while I was circumnavigating the store, made his way back to the counter! My only escape was by walking straight past the guy I just escaped from!

I weighed up my options and realized there was only one thing for it!

I ran as fast as I could down the upward escalator, past the security guard, who was too busy romancing the elderly lady behind the counter downstairs, and then out to my freedom!

Man I’m sweating just thinking of it! Thank God it's over!

2006-01-16T04:29:00.000-08:00

So here it is... the moment the world has been waiting for... well at least a lot of people... well ok just chris! And to be honest, he wasn't really waiting for it, he just happened to mention to me the other day that i hadn't done anything to my blog. So really, the moment no-one's been waiting for. Although, if more people knew about it, maybe they would be waiting for it! Having said that, the people who would be waiting for it, would probably be those boring people, you know, the ones who live their lives through other people's experiences, you know who i mean... probably because you're the only person who's reading this! GET A LIFE! only joking mate... please keep reading, or there will be no-one experiencing the mediocrity that is buried beneath the facade of this blog. Masked ingeniously like the identity of Superman, hidden so well, like the secret of George Michael's sexuality, so that no-one but the most adept and incomperable could find it!

Anyway... it's here! what it's doing here is my next problem!